Wednesday, August 6, 2008

are you kidding me?

I can write only as it happened....
Last Friday night we went to going away party for some friends of ours (a usual occurrence when living overseas).
We were invited by this couple, who asked me to bring a salad. The party was lovely...
there were two servers (also usual because of cheaper labor overseas), two salads,(mine and from another lady), wine and champagne, salmon and a meat dish, desserts....
They had bought them 3 beautiful photo books about Brazil...
all seems normal right?

Skip to Tuesday and an email from the person who invited us, and held it in their house, and asked for the salad (written to all that had attended):

Thank you for joining us in our home for the farewell of Mr. and Mrs. It was a lovely evening. But as you know, nothing comes for free in this world, so please see the attached (read: excel spread sheet) for your costs for the party. Please pay at your convenience.

WHAT??? EXCUSE ME???

Both my husband and I were shocked. I could totally understand if they wanted all of us to help out with the gift that they choose to give them. But PLEASE, to pitch in for everything else? I mean maybe if they had come out BEFORE the party and said something like, let's all pitch in together and have a farewell party, etc...but after the fact? AND after they asked me to bring a salad?
The spread sheet has everything broken down into servers, food, drinks, gift, etc...
my question that I feel like emailing back to them:

Do I get to deduct the cost of my salad?

6 comments:

sonja said...

That is crazy!

I can't believe that. Are you going to pay?

If you host a party, there are costs involved that the HOSTS absorb.

"MoodyBlue" Jodi said...

BG - I wouldn't pay that. You were an invited guest. You brought a dish. That is totally ridiculous. You should not be expected to pay for them hosting the party. Nothing was said up front to you. That is like someone going to a wedding, you bring a gift for the bride & groom, then after their honeymoon sending their guests a bill because "nothing comes for free in the world". Please tell me you aren't paying them. OMG! That is just nerve for them to send you a bill.

One time I got an invitation to a friend's barbecue. On the invitation it said to bring alcohol, bring a dish that will feed up to 20 people, and bring a chair because we don't have enough. I thought it was nervy, but at least it was brought up to me before the barbecue. I wound up not going.

****
Off topic - to answer your question on my blog about the "HOT" theme....there is a website called National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo references you see). They have a monthly theme which encourages for members to post about each day so they post daily. This month it is Hot...last month it was food. We link to each other's blogs. It is a great way to meet people. Here is the link if you are interested.

http://nablopomo.ning.com/

*****
Back to on-topic. Please forgive my boldness about saying you shouldn't pay that "bill". I just hate to see people taken advantage of. It seems to me it was an afterthought on the hosts that probably went in over their heads and now need a way to recoup their money spent.

Ballerina Girl said...

Hello Sonja and Jodi
No worries...I am not offended easily Jodi!
I like hearing all of your comments...especially when they agree with my own! LOL!

Unfortunately, we are going to pay. It is a little thing in the long run when you are in a very small community like the expat world of the company my husband belongs to....
Needless to say, we will not be going to these people's house anytime soon! hahaha! it might cost us too much money!

BG

PJ said...

I've never heard of such a thing!!! Was the couple hosting the party from a different country (as in a cultural glitch)?...That is not an American custom....It's not an Ecuadorian custom....If it hasn't happened to you before, it's not a Brazilian custom. Hmmmmm. Mexican weddings have what they call "Padrinos". The "Padrinos" do help pay for portions of the wedding. There's the "Padrino de Lazo" (purchases the pearl rope that is part of the ceremony), "Padrino de anillo" (buys the rings) "Padrinos de arras" (bring a bucket of coins, literally donate money), "Padrinos de..." I can't remember all the Padrinos. But there are a lot of them. It's the only similarity that I can think of.

I'm not sure I'd do it out of sheer principle. How close friends are these????

PJ said...

Oh. I know what you mean. I'd be ticked off, no end. It's just rude and presumptuous. But your hubby is probably right -- just pay and then don't go to another party hosted by this couple....Cheez! I just can't imagine where it would be okay to BILL guests AFTER a party!! Yikes! Tacky!!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

You can't go wrong following the advice of all the smart ladies who just commented above. I think you are smart to think about the big picture and maybe just going ahead to pay this time. And try to forgive these people!