Thursday, April 2, 2009

Spell: Thorough

# of times I took my shoes off:  4
# of times I took just my top half of clothes off:  3
# of times I took all off:  1
# of ultrasounds:  3
# of x-rays:  2
# of times I had electrodes on my body: 2

I have never had a medical exam more thorough than I did for my husband's company yesterday.  Even when we first moved overseas...they didn't do anywhere near as many tests as they do here in Brazil!

First you get a locker and change into the t-shirt and pants they give you. (and I even got o keep them at the end of it all!)
Then we started going from room to room.  I should also mention that I had to fast since 12 hours before, including water!
Needless to say, I was SO thirsty.  

They first took my blood, 3 vials.  Then we went back to the waiting room. (where they have bottles of water and juice...but not yet, the nice lady told me!)

Then we went into the nutritionist....she took my height, weight, and the first set of electrodes: 2 on my hand, 2 on my foot, to measure my body fat.
According to her scale for my height and weight, I was over on the body fat by 3...well, 3 whatever they measure it in!  So then she talked to me about what I eat every day, all day...and then proceeds to give me a small lecture about what I should be eating and when.  Now, as much as I appreciate this, I have to say, I know a lot about eating.  As a ballet dancer, I knew what made me gain weight, what I couldn't eat, etc.  But I let her ramble on and on...and even agreed when she so stated the obvious!  After the fat test, I got to drink a whole bottle of water!  It tasted so good.  I hadn't had anything since 8:30 the night before; and here it was close to 9:30 by the time this all finished!!

Back to the waiting room.

Next is the doctor.  Take off the top half of clothes...listens to heartbeat, feels around, looks good.  Talk a little about ?  oh I don't know!  We talked about everything from her son being in Pittsburgh to what it is like living here in Brazil.  

Back to the waiting room.

Next we go upstairs to the "Women's" section.  Take off all of my clothes, and have the usual tests.  Ha, usual?  Since when have I ever had 3 ultrasounds in one exam?  It was pretty cool though.  I feel like I am thoroughly checked out for sure!  In the midst of all this, after the whole bottle of water, I so needed to go to the bathroom.  They wouldn't let me.  I thought, Are you all serious?  
they kept saying it was because they would be able to see better with one of the ultrasounds, blah, blah...
Finally, after the one, they let me pee.  Whew!

Back to the waiting room.
Eat a small sandwich that they prepare for you and drink more and more!!!

Next, onto the x-rays.  Quick and simple, 2 x-rays, not much talking...

Back to the waiting room.

Next is the breathing test.  They give you this contraption that looks similar to a plastic gun with a huge hole in where the barrel would be.  They put a soft clothespin type thingy on your nose.  Put the barrel into your mouth and breathe normal.  Right, breath normal with what feels like a bad kids test where ...
Let's see if BG can hold her nose and how long can she breath out and in like that for!  hahaha
So, you take a really deep breath in, and then blow it out for as long as possible and then breath in again ..... rest.  3 times please.

Back to the waiting room.
(at one of these waiting room intervals, I got to watch ER and Juliana Margulies take two daughters to say good bye to their dying Mother, and then realize she still loves George Clooney and goes running back to him in Seattle.  Tears were flowing...)

Then, we go for the final test.. shirt off, more electrodes (yes I have a running bra on the whole time, don't worry).
They hook me up, put me on the treadmill, I start walking and then running...I hate running.  This lasted 11 minutes and then 3 minutes of cool down walking.  All the while he is taking my heart rate and my blood pressure.  Realize that he has to lift my clutching hand off of the bar that is holding me up while I RUN!  I HATE running...I had to shift my other hand every time so that I didn't fall and make a complete fool of myself!

Back to the waiting room, where I got to change and go home :)

As I said in the title...spell thorough"


mythopolis said...

That was a pretty comprehensive physical! At least you should feel good knowing you have been checked out at so many levels. Not having insurance currently, I am dependent on the county clinic...there, they ask questions like, "How are you feeling?", then take your blood pressure, hand you a bottle of pills and push you out the door. "Next!"

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

Ugh! Any ol' flip flop will be perfect I am sure. :)

NicoleB said...

Yuck, I haven't had any of that in ages.
And 12 hours without water? I would not have been able to do nothing.
Because I would have died of a murder headache!

Carla said...

Yeah you go to Brazil and you are tested for everything and anything. Heck, I even remember being tested in order to use our own pool. Better to be thorough than not though? Right? ;)

Betty said...

Who does your husband work for, that they put you through such a "thorough" exam???!! The CIA/FBI or something like that? :)
I guess it feels good to know you are all checked out!

lovelydharma said...

Good grief!? Never heard of anything so thorough! When I applied for Unimed insurance all I had to do was answer a few questions. I'm with Betty! What a very concerned company.

So you guys are coming to Minas for Semana Santa? You must go to Ouro Preto. I hear it's amazing that week - they blanket the streets in flowers. Never been for Semana Santa, but adore the city!

Fabiola said...

Good Lord!!!

It is way too much tests to get done... but it is always like this down here.

By the way, what is going on with the weather in RJ???? I arrived yesterday and I am flying back to SP tomorrow.


Stephanie said...

WOW. that is THOROUGH!

BLOGitse said...

like Betty - what kind of company wants that THOROUGH exam???
we've been in blood tests and basic health checking but no running etc.